Sunday, April 4, 2010

Back to Blogging

Well, I hope that I am back to blogging. There hasn't been too much to report on as far as Audrey's health is concerned. The longer one is on chemo, the longer the body takes to recover between rounds. So, we are just hanging out, waiting to go in for the last hard/difficult chemo. I have actually been having a very difficult time with this. I want so badly for it to be over and the timetable just keeps lengthening - it is disappointing and frustrating. She just wants to be a normal little girl and just as she begins to feel better we have to stick her in the hospital to do it all over again. In the beginning it did not feel so hard, it was business, we could plan every three weeks to be in the hospital and prepare her for it. Now she gets upset and frustrated when we go into check her numbers because it feels like everything should be over. I was up for hours last night having a breakdown about this terrible situation and what Audrey is being forced to do. I thought I was handling it so well and now I am not, I can't see the end anymore and the schedule has disappeared.

3 comments:

HatchFamily said...

That's got to be so hard for everybody. Especially when you were probably hoping to be done with the treatments before you had the baby and now you don't know what to plan on. My heart goes out to you. I wish there was something I could do to change it or take it away but I know I can't. I'll be praying that her counts get high enough for the 7th.

Maureen said...

Thank you for your appreciative comments. For my part I love you so that's what I will always do. I'm surprised you have coped so long without breaking down. Crying is a good cathartic; prayer is better. Just don't keep it all inside for too long at one time.

Lee said...

Waiting is so hard--and not being in control--I know that especially drives you crazy, Tonya. We all search for that control because it makes us feel safe but we are not in control and we are never safe BUT, and I am teaching this in OT right now in Institute,we are always in the Lord's hands and we can always trust him, to take everything in our lives and gently weave it in with the Atonement. He has been you and he has been Audrey as well. He has been there before us and that is WHY we can trust him. We have no control but Him and he is teaching us this day by day, experience by experience--I love you all--Lee