Audrey and I arrived at the hospital around noon - after a trip to Audrey's favorite, McDonalds. Because this is our first time and due to the fact that she had her port placed on Monday of this week, I was not sure where I should numb her skin for the port access. So, after we arrived they showed me how to access her port or where I should put the numbing cream. This saves about two hours if I do it ahead of time. Then the next couple of hours is spent hydrating her body through an IV. The first time a patient receives chemotherapy the pharmacy takes quite awhile to put the correct concoction of drugs together and send them up to our floor. Audrey fell asleep around 9:00 p.m. and the chemo started around 10:15 p.m. first she receives some medicine through her port to help with nausea (a very common side effect of her chemo) then they have two IV bags with the chemo drugs the dripping process takes about an hour when that is finished the process repeats two more times.
At first I was a little irritated that the process wasn't starting until she was asleep, thinking it would keep her up all night. However, it seemed to work in our favor. She was so tired that she didn't wake much of the time the bags were being changed and the medicine was being put through her leads. It was definitely hard on me waking up every hour on the hour but I seem to have gleaned enough sleep. Regardless of the person changing her diapers gloves have to be worn. Audrey really doesn't like this and the first couple of times it really scared her. Now she knows that we have to and she has decided it is okay if I am the one doing it and not "the lady" aka our nurse.
She was very groggy when she woke up this morning and actually said that she didn't feel good. But she is wide awake and very conscious of everything going on around her. I asked her if she feels okay and she responded, "not yet." So I questioned when she might feel better and she replied, "Five thirty." Not sure what that means but we both smiled and laughed - it felt good! She had a little bit to eat and drink this morning and she has applied her chapstick at least ten times.
I know that this blog entry is getting really long (and what fun are blogs without pictures - I will be posing some soon, I promise). I just feel like I need to share a personal experience from years ago...
My Grandma Hiatt (whom Audrey shares a middle name with) is one of the most special, important people in my life. Though she did not live a very long life she had more than her share of trials and experiences. We were as close as a grandmother and granddaughter could be. See, while she was living she had 10 of her 11 grandchildren and she was so good at being a grandma, each of her grandchildren thought they were her favorite. I think that is the secret of a great grandma, loving and treating each grandchild as if they are the most important person in the world. As I said she had many experiences and trials, most of which had to do with health issues. She survived multiple heart attacks, heart disease, breast cancer and the removal of both breasts, she had severe diabetes which eventually led to the removal of her right leg, above her knee. I spent the night at Grandma's house a lot growing up. She lived within walking distance of my house most of the time I was growing up. I remember some nights (in the years prior to her leg amputation) praying that Heavenly Father would take her pain away for the night and let me have the pain so she wouldn't have to experience it. Those nights I actually thought I felt like I was taking on her pain. I later learned that some people actually experience pains like this, mostly psychological, and they are called sympathy pains. I do not know if Grandma experienced less pain on those nights but it made me feel better experiencing some of the pain. Last night I found myself praying that same childhood prayer that Heavenly Father would allow me to experience all of the pain and discomfort in Audrey's place. The hardest part about all of this is seeing someone you love with all of your heart going through the trials and pains and not being able to do anything about it.
6 comments:
I can't image what you are going through and we are all thinking about you non stop and alot of prayers to you. Hugs for you both!!! I wish I could take this from her too! Love you all very much... Zachary and Alains said to give her a hug from them...
Words can not convey how we feel about Audrey and your family having to go through all of this. We love you all and are praying for all of you.
I am even the those that are in charge of her care that they may make the best decisions that they can for her.
We are sending our love to you all. Please give Nathan and Audrey hugs from us.
I can imagine that it would the hardest part to watch you angel baby suffer and not be able to stop it, but actually have to allow it. Thank you for sharing your feelings and keeping us updated. You are strong family and YOU are a strong woman. Our love is with you all.
I can not even imagine how strong you have to be just to get through the day. Your family is so lucky to have you. You can get through this.
What a little trooper Audrey is. I hope she did feel better at 5:30! :) I bet that little laugh felt like a breath of fresh air!
We will keep praying! You are awesome. Thank you for the updates. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help.
That is such a sweet story about your Grandma. That just says so much about you as a person. My sister-in-law was diagnosed with cancer about 5 years ago. I remember my mother-in-law saying how hard it was to be the mom and not be able to take away the pain and suffering. I guess going through experiences like this helps us to understand, to a small degree, what it was like for Heavenly Father to allow his Son to suffer and die for us all.
Our prayers will continue to be with you, Audrey, and your family at such a difficult time.
Love ya!!!
You and your family is in my thoughts an prayers everyday. I read what you wrote about Mom and i couldn't control the tears, as i can't now. I tell myself on a daily basis if i can be half the Grandma and the woman she was i did good. She did teach us all great lessons and courage. I Love you and your family.
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