Rewind Please

Photo taken by Ruth Thompson - on her visit from Washington State

On Wednesday, October 21st I was a normal, happy mom working from home and staying home with my babies. Audrey, Bella, Sophia and I were playing in the television room when I noticed an odd bump on Audrey's back. I had felt it the day before while playing in the playroom but dismissed it as her shoulder blade. Upon further inspection I realized that it was certainly some type of abnormal growth. I called Ryan, completely panicked - near tears, not sure what to do. We decided to immediately call our pediatrician's office to set up an appointment.

Thursday morning at 9:30 we arrived to our pediatrician's office where they nearly immediately sent us over to the hospital for a chest x-ray which then turned into an ultrasound and then an MRI. The radiologist said that the mass has "characteristics that are not typically benign." They have ruled out fatty cysts that typically occur in young children. However, what they do see is centralized in one area and it is not in any organs or bone. It is also in a "good" place on her back under her left shoulder blade not in the front of the chest or near lymph nodes where cancerous cells can often spread quickly. While we do not yet know if this growth is cancerous - I don't have much hope that it isn't.

We have spent much time talking, crying, planning and wondering. My heart hurts. I am scared, worried and sometimes lifeless. We are a strong, close family and this is the most difficult thing we have ever been faced with. Audrey received a Priesthood blessing on Sunday. Nathan is still trying to figure out why I cry about Audrey's lump - even though we have explained how scary this is because we don't know anything about it- he is still confused.

I just want a rewind - to be that happy mom playing in the playroom with my children worrying about what to make for dinner tonight.